Author: pbadmin

Glum today, but it’s all worth it…

Why so glum? Firstly, this blog is not about hating on Japan, my ex or women in general. That is a toxic path to walk down. However, I have my moments. For me, ‘access’ moves on a sliding scale and the scale itself often moves. Right now I feel sad. The scale has just moved – the game has just changed. Three years ago I regained limited, heavily obstructed access to my daughter. Two months ago my daughter’s step-dad sent me an e-mail (in Japanese). It said, ‘my daughter does not want to talk to you ever again, please...

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What about the grandparents?

Connecting with my (unknown) paternal grandparents This post certainly isn’t about me. However, I will start by reflecting on the fact I never had access to my paternal grandparents’ culture. My father is from an Italian background. I never lived with him and his parents were dead before I was born. I don’t speak Italian and have never visited Italy. However, I know I wouldn’t be here today if an Italian couple hadn’t fled Europe during times of conflict. I feel a little uneasy when people assume I can’t understand being from a migrant background because I’m ‘white’. Why?...

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Summer 2019 Visitation – Unedited

Setting: Summer 2019, pre-visitation In Summer 2019, my mother and I optimistically packed our bags for a three day visitation with my daughter. The ANA flight was marvelous and an air of nostalgia filled my nostrils as I exited the plane. Despite all that has happened, Japan is my second home and there is something to be said of that first whiff of humidity, fresh grass, luxury perfume, plastic, jet fuel and petrichor. After shuffling through customs and collecting my bags I grabbed a green tea and a small biscuit. I then took a bus to my favourite little...

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Why do abductors’ minds become shipwrecked?

What is the shipwrecked mind? The shipwrecked mind, coined by Mark Lilla, is a reactionary mindset belonging to those who reject what is good about the present and instead hang on to a nostalgic vision of the past. I came across it while reading an article about the Christchurch shootings and Lila’s book (very academic but still a good causal read) got me thinking about the mindset of parental child abductors. While the tragic events that occurred in Christchurch are clearly far more extreme than that of an isolated parental child abduction, discussions about the mindset of terrorists reminded...

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Getting married in Japan (my experience)

Getting married in Japan (Part 1: Reflections) Marriage can be extremely positive and rewarding in Japan. Many of my good friends have amazing lives/experiences.  Without doxing anybody, there’s lots of business, lifestyle and family choices that are simply not available outside Japan. Many friends are living the dream operating their businesses in Japan within otherworldly river/mountain scenery, surrounded by amazing Japanese friends/clients who are willing to back business ideas that would be unthinkable elsewhere. All of them have top notch relationships with their Japanese spouses. Unfortunately, I have also seen a lot of marriages fail. Failed marriages don’t always...

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