Author: Paper Boundaries

Pre-visitation nerves and feelings Sorry, I have not blogged recently. I find the pre-visitation period very challenging. It is midnight and I cannot sleep. Usually I am too tired to stay up late. Tonight is different. I am considering two challenges. These are my raw thoughts and feelings… Firstly, I don’t want to inconvenience anybody. I have a life. I am married and we have a young child. Also, work is very busy. To work this is recreational leave.  To my wife, this is a threat – as if I am chasing the past. At their request, I have...

Why prepare for direct visitation? To me, direct visitation is when I get to physically see my daughter. I get to see my daughter for three days a year (yes, three) under the watchful eyes of my ex-wife’s new husband. These three days are very intense, so preparation is important. I prepare so that I have a clear head, a positive attitude and enough activities to maximise the quality of our direct visitation. How can you prepare? I prepare by: discussing plans with close family members; preparing a travel itinerary; brush up those language skills; investigating support services; discreetly...

Alienation – what is it? Alienation (also known as Parental Alienation Syndrome, PAS) is often part of parental abduction. It is not defined in the Abduction Convention, but parental abduction is a kind of alienation. A broad definition from the article I have just quoted is ‘any conduct that hampers the coexistence of child or adolescent with parent in autonomous lawsuit or incidentally‘. I think a broad definition is useful because alienation can involve many different acts. Some argue that alienation is an excuse used by child abusers who don’t deserve access. I respect that some children need to...

What is visitation and how can you get the most out of it? Visitation can be very restrictive. For example, I talk with my daughter once a month via video-conference and visit Japan once a year. My ex-wife’s new husband is always present. He directly interferes with my daughter during visitations and interrupts special moments. This is a common boundary for alienated parents. Therefore, it is important to plan visitations and maximise all contact. I want this to be a positive post. My previous post about mediation was negative, so I want to make up for it. This post’s...